The birthday present

My violin today with
 my new bow

When I was 11 I remember telling my mom I wanted a violin for my birthday. I had never had a single day of music lessons, but I knew I wanted to play. So, she took me into a music shop to look. The man handed us one to look at and it just felt so right in my hands. But, like most kids, I sort of forgot about it as the months past.

Then, the day I turned 12 started off and it was a special day full of wonder. I got breakfast in bed, new clothes, a special dinner of my choice, chocolate pie... and no violin. I hugged my parents good night and headed to my room. And there is was. A bright green case with a shiny pink bow. MY violin. I screamed. I cried. I jumped around. I remember opening the case and picking of the beautiful instrument. I ran the bow over the strings. It made a horrible sound, but I just knew that in time I'd be famous. I would play for crowds, and they would cheer and tell me "More!"

I started lessons a month later, and with each passing week of practice the horrible squeaks turned into real music. I had recitals, I played for church, I was in love. I didn't come naturally and I struggled with timing but I was determined I would play in real symphonies. By my senior year I was offered to try out of the Phoenix Junior Symphony and offered a chair in their chamber choir. Which was a big deal for a home schooled kid. My parent's even promised to buy me a new violin if it all came together.

I could have been famous. I could have played for big audiences and people could have known my name, but I will never know. At the time I had just started dating a "dream crusher." The kind of person who tells you that your dreams are stupid and worthless and you will never ever make it. And I believed him, so instead of trying out, I told my instructor I was done, and I put my violin away along with many other dreams.

But my green case went ever where with me. A small reminder of who I use to be. The girl who would sing. Who let music in her life and was full of joy. I would even take it out from time to time, but by that point it wouldn't hold a tune. I think it was as heart broken as I was. It moved to Oregon with me, came to EOU, I took it to all our places in Walla Walla, and in Baker City I started to really think about playing again. I am sure if I did it would have helped with the horrible depression. I just couldn't, but the music was starting to come back. I would find myself singing at random times and I could feel the spark returning.

We moved here and I felt even more on fire. And then Alynn was born and I was on fire. Music filled my heart and I just wanted to sing and dance, but mostly I wanted to play. I told Nayt, I told my mom, I told my dad. But my poor neglected violin needed some help.

Two days before my birthday, almost 11 years to the day of getting it, I got a better in the mail from a local music shop. My parents had paid in full the cost of total repairs and restoration of my violin. I got it back last week and since then music I have been making has filled my house. I am no where as good as I use to be, but with time I might be again.

And you know what, I am not playing for massive pieces of classical music for the masses, but I am playing Brahm's lullaby to two of the most important people who will ever be in my life. Drew will stand up and clap when I am done and sign for more. And to me, that is famous enough.