Choosing the person with whom to Procreate with:
Choose this man wisely. Take into consideration both his physical looks and mental ability, since there is a 50% chance that your child will take after him and not you. Can you live with 2 of him for the next 18 years? You also need to be sure you completely adore him before you go through labor and deal with a screaming toddler all night long, because if you can't stand him sleeping with you before that then he better invest into another bedroom after the baby gets here. He needs to be your partner, not another child to take care of, its best if he can cook and clean well.
Trying to get Pregnant:
All through school you are told that you will get pregnant the moment you kiss a boy, however this is not true unless you are 1, the homecoming queen in the back of a chevy, 2, totally not in the place mentally or financially to have a baby, or 3, have an IQ of -5. The moment you are ready to bring another little person in your life it seems to be the moment you body decides to screw with you. Why this is, I have yet to figure it out but it isn't fair to anyone involved.
Pregnancy:
Whom ever said you glow in pregnancy was either a man or they have never been pregnant.
The first trimester is full of worry and waiting. You wait for those lines to pop up, get sick from the nerves. You wait for the doctor to tell you that yes, you are not crazy and you are in fact expecting. At some point you smell the eggs your man is making and puke, then sob uncontrollably for an hour because you feel so bad about it. You worry about every little twinge and cramp while eagerly waiting for the first ultrasound, afraid they are going to tell you bad news or that its all in your head, then you puke again, from excitement or morning sickness you never really know.
Second tri is the best time in pregnancy. This is true but they never tell you about the start of round ligament pain or lightning crotch (and nipples). You feel the first kicks (or was it gas?), heart burn starts, you find out what you are having and tell everyone who will listen, and sometimes even people who wont. And the pee!!
If you thought you were uncomfortable in the 2nd trimester, just wait until the third tri hits. The baby is moving all the time which is so exciting, and by this point anyone who wants to feel (and it will be everyone including the cashier at the store, the little old lady walking her dog and the homeless bum on the street) will be amused by your little acrobat. But the same little acrobat will wedge himself in your ribs, use your bladder as a pillow and your cervix as a punching bad to practice round kicks on. You start training for lack of sleep because you are getting up 50 times a night to pee and start to wonder if you should be buying diapers for yourself while you start stocking up on baby's. If its not waking up to pee, its charlie horses or back cramps waking you up.
At some point in the pregnancy your partner becomes the most repulsive person to you. He will stink and every tiny thing he does will make you want to kick small puppies, but don't worry chances are that a few hours later you will want to rip his clothes off and do dirty things. And don't forget the worry about weight, either you gain to much or not enough!
Then comes labor:
The moment you have been waiting for nine long months. Your water breaks which is much less dramatic then you would think, it feels more like you are constantly peeing your pants, and its go time. Contractions feel something like sticking a pin in your eye a million times and you want to punch the one person you can blame it on, you baby's daddy, in the nuts so he feels a quarter of the pain you are going through. Its all worth it though, the moment you hold you child for the first time, it has a way for wiping that all away and you are wanting to do it all over again.
On having a child:
The greatest moment in my life was the first time I help my son. My heart felt much like the Grinch's must have, it expanded 3 times its normal size. Parenthood has been such an adventure! The first few days were full of tears, pretty sure I shed just as many as he did. You walk the halls at all hours of the night and pay pass the baby like some demented game of hot potato. You see the man who use to be your lover in one of the hand offs and for one second have a spark of desire and look at the bed, and sleep wins. Every time. You quickly learn to fight off the old ladies who want to kiss your precious child's cheeks, which is your favorite things to do. Your days of going to the movies, staying up past ten and having anything on your facebook but baby pictures are over, and surprisingly you are ok with that.
As baby grows, your daily conversations revolve more around poop, food and what baby did then the current news or who is getting married to whom. The highlight of your day is hearing mama or seeing baby reach the next milestone. And just when you think your house is baby proofed or you have it down he does something to throw you off.
I had a long list of things I wouldn't do, but at 3 am with a screaming child and you have been up since 5 the morning before, you cave in. A pacifier is the greatest thing in moments like that. Or if the only way he will sleep with you is to put him in bed with you to lay on your chest, guess what on night 10 of screaming all night, you lay him in bed with you. One day he won't want to sleep in bed with you, and you just pray its not 16 years from now.
Becoming a mom:
Its the craziest thing that I have ever done. It has caught me that I am clueless about something but it has also taught me that I am stronger then I knew. I have learned to be flexible, and to laugh when my son is putting the eggs from the fridge into the back of his truck, to sigh when my house isn't clean and to just go with the flow.
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