A year to a healthier me, an update.

Yes, I am still working on my goal but between school, the kids and the gym I haven't had much time to update. And it is a slow slow journey. It felt that at first the pounds just fell off. And than I hit the wall. Now I am still working as hard but the results are slower to see. Especially on the scale so to save myself from obsessing over each 1/4 of a lbs I have been avoiding the scale completely. Which is ok. I am seeing some results, my legs are firmer, I can run longer without getting winded, (the girl 6 months ago would have laughed, the girl 2 years ago would have thought running was a joke.) and I can fit consistently into size 12 pants, AND I got size 10s on but couldn't button them. Booya!

But back to that wall. I hit it and I hit it hard. So on top of my 5 nights in the gym, I am now doing p90x at home during the day with my cousin as my support. 2 work outs down and I feel sore but good. I also feel incredibly empowered by my ability to get through the 60 minutes of work out hell. I know for a fact that the me just a short year ago wouldn't have been able to do it. And that is exciting. It means my hard work IS working. Don't get me wrong, I am modifying but I can keep up with the modified version.

So as per P90x tradition I took before and after pictures. Am I pretty, heck no, but I am getting there. By the time I get to north Carolina heres hoping I'll be able to squeeze my fat ass into a skinny size 8! Here I am at who knows what weight (ok best guess is about 210/205) bloated, in size 12s after my 2nd p90x workout.

 To compare to April 2010 when I was weighing in between 285 and 290. I honestly still feel like that girl some days. It's hard. You get it into your mindset that you are a certain way. When I was that size I felt like there was no way I looked as big as I did. Some moments I felt beautiful, (mainly thanks to an amazing husband who told me daily that I was.) I dressed like I was smaller than I was. I didn't feel "Big." at all. But now that I am not that size, I feel huge some days. Like I really do look that way. I don't understand it and it frustrates me. The average American woman is between a size 12 and a size 14. My size now. I am average. But I don't feel that way. Maybe it is the mind set of the obese person? Idk. I hope it will get better, but I have a feeling it will always be my own personal demon to fight.

I don't even recognize myself but the healthier, happier me vows never to get that way again. I can't get that way again. I had no energy, no motivation, depressed, and just down right sad.

Like so many other things in my life, it was a road i didn't have to go down, but what matters is that I don't beat myself up, move on and vow never to go that way again. Being healthy is a lot of work, but man, I can already tell it is worth it.