Growing Up

Its funny because there are some days that i still feel like a little kid, that i am pretending; there is no way i can have a house, husband or baby. Does that feeling like being a kid acting like an adult ever go away? Do I want it too??Do I really want to "grow up" as they say. Do I want to act my age? take responsiblility, stop playing and goofing off? I really dont think so. i'll always have this 12 year old kid stuck in me. She is scared of the world finding out she doesnt in fact know anything. She isnt sure how she feels about the world, she'd rather get lost in a book or movie or game and forget that there is in fact big bad stuff out there, she uncomfortable about her body, she wants to be the very center of attention... she laughs, plays, has fun and doesnt have a care in the world.

But then there is the other side of me, the mature mother, wife and woman, who sometimes feels that she was forced to grow up to fast. She feels that she her childhood sped by, and now she sees the world with different eyes, it not all beauty and butterflies. there are bills, responsiblies and challenges ever day brings. She loves her husband, adores her son, cooks, cleans, pays bills, does laundry makes sure everyone around her is happy. she is content to take the side lines so her husband can accomplish things, happy to let people ohh and awe over her son while they icnore her. She is quiet and yet has learned when to speak up...

i was thinking about being a grown up last night in bed, its still a wierd feeling some nights when we crawl into bed and i think back over the day. This is life. Everyday is the same and yet completly different. People come in and people leave you life, even when it breaks your heart to see or let them go. and I think that being a grown up is all about how you respond to the challenges of life. Do you fold, blame others or do you stand up to life, give it the middle finger and be determained to make it better. do you wallow in self pitty or do you move on, do you dwell on the bad or focus on the good. Being an adult is how you handle things, how you respond to people and steping up to the plate when you have too. Its about not skipping out on your responsiblities or passing the buck. Its not easy

i still cant believe we are taking our first family vacation ever. I think that in and of itself is wierd. its not meeting up with my family or his, its OUR family. Its our own unique branch of the Willhoite-Luther-Summers family. We stand on our own. we are paying for everything, we are making the choices. Nayt is driving and i am happily along for the ride. (both literly and figuritivly) Plus it is going to be so much fun to do thing for the first time, its both Nayt and Drew's first time to a museum, a beach and aquarium. pretty much sure nayt is going to explode with new stuff!! lol

Well that is my rambling mind today...