an overwellming swell of thoughts and emotions

ok so i have a million billion thoughts bouncing around in my brain right now, and I am not 100% sure i can get them all down.

so i guess I'll just randomly put my thoughts down and hope that they come out in something that is legibale.

First, I guess with it being November 11th, I got thinking about all the sacrafices men and women have made over the past 250 years for our nation. And I dont just mean the soldiers who fought and died to make and keep our nation free. I feel so often people forget that those they leave behind make just as many sacrafices. And I am not just saying this as a by stander, I am one of those silent, though people forget that. I know (if not so much in your face as others) exactly what its like to live while knowing that someone you love and care about is over facing death and danger ever day, for freedoms sake. At any giving moment I am pretty sure I could tell you someone who is over there, or getting ready to go over there. I am and always will be a proud army brat, and I was more the willing to see my husband go there to. I undoubtily stand behind our troops 100% even if i dont fully agree upon why they are there.

Next, I guess growing up is hard, and I am learning that more and more everyday. And there is such a differnce in life at ever stage. In Jr. high you had your broad group of friends (or at least I did) then come highschool even though I bounced around from group to group I did have my steady main crowd. Then college came and that crowd got smaller, closer knit. Now, that i am married and a mother, I am learning the friendships are completely different. I dont have the time, energy or desire I once did to invest into friendships. I dont want to wade threw the muck to get to see someone, I dont want to deal with the drama. I just dont have the time anymore. I have my best friend, a close few friends, i have my semi-close-i-see-you-when-we-have-time friends, I have my old highschool friends who i feel i hardly know, but i have more aquantances then ever before. people i am friendly too, who are nice but i just dont have time to develop anymore then that. Why cant friendships be easy? Why do we make is so darn hard that i am more tired after then i was before. Why am i getting happy to just sit at home and be with drew, a hermit, then to go out and make friends? I am tired of getting burnt and I am learning that naythan is and should be my greatest friend. If people want to see me they have to make the effort too, because i am tired of being the one to keep it together.

Where is the time going? My baby is growing like a weed. He is starting to teeth and he is getting so big. He isnt a new little baby anymore, but a "big boy" baby. He is laughing and responding and i love ever moment of it but i have this bittersweet joy about it. I want him to stay little, i dont want him to grow up! I dont want him to be walking or talking or going to school or any of that. though i know its inevitable, its going to happy and I want it too because if it didnt something would be wrong but i want to stand up and beg time to slow down! Dont steal my baby from me yet!! please let him be little a bit longer??

Oh so I am no longer "allowed" to be at nayts work any longer then 20 mins, even if i am shopping! I was so hopping mad it wasnt even funny! Aparently I was loitering yesterday, when in fact i was getting ideas for my christmas shopping list. Well fine, I was going to buy everything there this year but i shall take my business else where. Thank you very much.

speaking of christmas, i cant wait for this year. we actually have 800 bucks to spend on ourselves! And I know it sounds horribly selfish, I am rather looking foreword to it. We are not planning on getting to much for drew this year since he doesnt really need anything nor would he care, so we figure this is the last year of our whole lives where we can spend more money on us then on our kids. So it is going to be a very spoiled christmas this year! lol

Ok why are school books so expensive? I was looking at EOU compared to Amazon, and I do believe Amazon is getting my money this time around, everything is about 10-50 bucks less. and i am still debating on if i'll resale my books back or just keep then for resourse later on down the road.

alright i think i am done for now, I still feel all pint up inside, but maybe i'll go clean or something and hope i feel better. I am not truely sure why i am so emotionally and mentally over wellmed, if its school looming or the holidays or i miss having coffee talks with friends idk. oh well. life goes on...