Motherhood

i am sitting here holding Drew, and I am thinking about Motherhood. Its amazing how something can so small can take up to much time, money and engery. And you can love every moment of it. I love him so very much. I love playing with him, I love snuggling with him, I love talking to him, I love showing him new things and watching as he learns what it is or what it does. Its just so cool. Time is flying by so quickly, to think its been five months since he was born, over a year since I found out i was pregnant.

If I am pregnant, am i cheating Drew? Is it really fair to him to not be the only child for a while? I am so afraid I wont love baby number 2 as much as i love Drew because I have a hard time thinking about loving someone as much as I love him. But i guess it would be like when i had Drew, I didnt love Nayt any less to make room for Drew, it was almost like my heart expanded to make room for both of them. I guess my Heart will just grow again to incorporate the new one. I am getting excited, but scared to be pregnant again. I would love another one. When i held my newest niece, I wanted a newborn. I love babies and I want as many as I can have. But I am really afraid because I havent lost the wieght i need to, I am scared to have another c-section, I dont want to deal with diabetes... but that is selfish isnt it? But I know that if I am pregnant, that it was meant to be, I mean, we were on birth control and everything! So this has to be God's plan because it sure wasnt ours! But every day I dont have a period my mind is more firmly set, plus when i had a pb&j yesterday i couldnt keep it down, and most food just sounds repulsive... maybe its a girl?? That would be kinda cool. Nayt would be so cute with a little girl. Though I would much rather have a house full of rough and tumble boys. And I dont want to deal with a pms-ing teenager!

Ah its just amazing. It seems like just the other day i was laying in bed late at night with friends talking about what to wear on our hunnymoon (hehe we had NO idea) what our future husbands would look like and how it would be to give birth. Now i am married, an amazing little boy who is finally sleeping next to me, and possibly another on the way. Life is such an amazing thing! But I wouldnt trade greasy hair, still in my pjs, drew's slobery hands on my face, dishes in the sink, laundry piled up, food in the oven and a big kiss from nayt when he walks in the door for anything !