Accepting what I can't change

I don't even know where to begin, so let me start by saying that I don't want anyone to think Drew is stupid or slow, because he isn't. He is brilliant, energetic and loves learning new things. Physically he is spot on if not a head of the curve. However, his speech is behind. A lot.

Here is a chart of what a normal 2 year old is doing: 

Receptive Skills (Understanding)		Expressive Skills (Expression)	Speech Development
Points to identify major body parts on self, e.g., eyes, nose, mouth, etc. Points to identify most common objects and actions in pictures. Follows related two-step commands, e.g., “Get your shoe and take it to Daddy.” Understands several pronouns, e.g., “me, you, my and your.” Understands spatial concepts such as “in, out of and of		Uses words more often than gestures to communicate. Vocabulary around fifty words. Combines words into short 2-3 word phrases, typically noun + verb combinations. Progresses from referring to self by name to using early pronouns, although “me” and “I” are often confused. Uses rising intonation or question inflection, e.g., “My ball?”	Ending sounds may be omitted from words, e.g., “up” said as “uh.” Approximately 65% of speech should be intelligible (easily understood).

I am tearing up as I write this, so forgive me if it is a jumble of words. 

Drew can say maybe 20 words, and half of those only Nayt and I understand. He can't point out body parts, does not use 2 word sentences, does not refer to himself by name, can rarely point out an object from a book, doesn't ask questions and when he does speak it's just a jumble of sounds like he did at one.Honestly I was starting to suspect something was up, but I wasn't sure what was normal and what wasn't. Plus I think I was in denial and didn't really want to pull our my childhood development book.  I don't think any parent wants to admit that their child may need a bit of help. 

And then the guilt sets in, which I know it isn't my fault. I know it, and yet I can't seem to help it. Have I read to him enough? Do I spend enough time talking to him? Do I show him enough things? If I wasn't on bed rest, would he be talking more? In the end, I know I do read to him constantly. I am always talking to him, asking him what things are, showing him new things. He just isn't getting it. And it makes me so sad. 

So I am now waiting a call from the country health department's Infant and Toddler Program for an evaluation and we will go from there. I would rather get him into early intervention then have him deal with it once he gets to school. And he is a smart kid, so my hope is that maybe it is Nayt and I who need to learn how to teach him in a way he learns better. 

On the same note, Dr. DeVue is pretty sure that his head banging is directly related to his lack of speech, so if he can start talking more, it should minimize a bit. Until then, she told me to just ignore it as freaky as it is. Toddlers won't hit themselves hard enough to cause permanent damage, but if the ridge on his head continues to grow then we will be doing an MRI to be sure he isn't causing any damage. So reassuring, right? 

So that's what is going on. I am trying to come to grips with it, but right now it isn't easy. I just want Drew to succeed at everything he does and if he needs a boost to do it, then that's what we will do. It's just hard.