My fear of flying

I am not afraid of much. In fact, I don't think I am really afraid to fly, I am looking foreword to it come August when Nayt and I fly out to North Carolina. What I am afraid of is flying with kids. Alone.

It dawned on me that I only have 20 days to get mentally prepared for it. It wouldn't be bad if I didn't know what was ahead of me but oh I do (check it out!). I know to expect projectile vomit thanks to air sickness, angry stares, and lots of screaming. And that was before I had a walking I-don't-want-to-sit-on-your-lap 1 year old and a son who doesn't do well in crowds.

My panic set in about 5pm last night and will continue to build until I am safely on the ground in Boise handing the kids to Nayt and decompressing curled into a ball. Maybe it wont be that bad? Maybe Drew will be so excited to fly that he will stare out the window and Alynn will sit still in her moby wrap for 2 hours. Maybe I will give them both air sick drugs and melatonin and they will sleep like the angels they are. Maybe the plane will have a day care center and open bar. Maybe.

I am excited to see my family. (I am disappointed I am not a smaller size. In fact I feel like a big slob. I have no clothes since I am in between sizes. I will be doing my p90x 2x a day until we leave on friday and eating nothing but salads and protein smoothies. Maybe then I will feel better. Oh wait, that means I need 2 hours of no kids and I'd have to wake up at 5 am to accomplish that. Yeah i don't see that happening. Maybe Drew can do it with me?!)

Anyway, I am ready to get up to Seattle. I love it up there. It is big, and green, and full of fun things to do. There are lots of parks. Mom and dad have a huge yard. But it is crowded, busy and loud with lots of stimulation. We are in a new place, with new people. I am going to try and keep us on our schedule but my family is BUSY. They are always on the go, my sister has friends over, my extended family will be there. They are always doing something. Plus it's my baby sisters graduation and my dad's retirement party.  We don't do that. We are not that busy. My kids are not use to go go go. They are not use to being around 20 people at a time. I already feel the knots in my stomach. My aunts and uncles are expecting to have a nice time. Not deal with a little boy with extreme sensory processing disorder. I already feel stressed. And worried. I know my kid isn't easy. I know I won't relax until we are at home. And knowing that sucks. My mom thank God is a preschool teacher and is trying to bring as much from work as she can. But I am solo and I will not pawn my kids off. 2 1/2 weeks of being solo. In a new place. I want to cry right now. I just pray that Alynn isn't sick anymore because if she is the way she is today when we are up there, I will be hitting up Washington's Walmart liquor section and buying a flask. No joke. I am half tempted to get on anti-anxiety meds for the next month since I may need them. 

And at the end of 2 over stimulating weeks? A plane ride. I am terrified.