Dear New Special Needs Mom

Dear New Special Needs Mom,

We are coming up to our 2 year anniversary of finding out Drew was delayed.  It has been a journey of ups, downs and emotion high and lows. I have a long way to go as a mother of a child with unique special needs, but I do feel that I can say that things are better. That life is  going on, and that it is no longer the all consuming worry, fear and anxiety that they use to be. In these past two years I have learned to accept things I can not change, to embrace this new life and to put my faith in the fact that God will not abandon me to bare these burdens alone. Please allow me to  bare my heart to you. Allow my experiences to bless you.

Dear hurting Mom, right now your heart is breaking in two. All the hopes, dreams, and plans for that sweet baby you birthed feel like they are falling down around your feet. You are angry, confused, sad, and devastated. You are mad at God, yourself, your partner, and possibly your child. You feel like your world has ended. Everything has changed. You feel alone, separated from the world around you, and that no one can ever understand what your are going through. You are searching for answers. You are mourning. You are scared. Scared your child will be made fun of, scared your sweet baby will never find love, go to college, play sports or make friends. You fear what their future will look like, and you worry about what things in your life will change.

Dear breaking mother, I promise things will get better. The pain will always be there when you think about the new path you will walking. Your heart will hurt when you think of the things your sweet child will not do, but please don't fear that your life is over. I promise you it is not. You will be traveling down a new road full of beauty, excitement, and joy mixed in the heart break, tears and fears. There will be new people you will meet who will in rich your life; just as your sweet child will bless others with their own unique outlook on life. Life may be moving at a slower pace, but it doesn't make it any less joyful. Your dear child will know love, experience life and be special even if it isn't exactly as your pictured, but it is no less beautiful.

Take the time to enjoy your child as they are. A special, beautiful and wonderful person. Learn to see life from their eyes. Embrace their beautiful world. Encourage their passions. And learn to love their quirks. Your precious child is no different today than they were the day before you felt like your world came crashing down. They have always been them. Even if you see them differently now. No one will ever understand how you see them. The sorrow you feel while you watch them sleep because things are different and how very broken you are right now. They will never understand the fighting sprit you have to protect them, the need you have to just hold them and the burning desire you have to show the world how perfect they are, all mixed into one.

Dear broken mother, please know that this is by no means a punishment. This new world is no reflection on your as a parent, on your love, or your skills. Please know you will find the strength to wake up each morning and face the day. You will find the power to stand up for your child, you will learn to hide your pain when others stare, and you will learn when it is all right to cry.

Never let others make you feel like you are doing something wrong. Only you know what is right and wrong for your child. Don't feel judged when you are letting your sweet child throw a temper tantrum in the middle of walmart. Don't let the glaring old lady at Olive Garden ruin your family night and you will find a way to gracefully tell others who tell you to "just spank him" to screw off.

You are strong. Your child is strong. You can do this. You will laugh, you will cry, you will learn, you will change, you will learn, you will fight, you will educate, you will grow, and your child will thrive because of you. You will love with a love stronger than anything you have ever known.

I promise you, sweet strong mother, that things may not become easier, but it becomes easier to handle as you learn to adjust. I promise you that one day you will wake up and realize that this is just life. And this is a life you wouldn't want any other way. Special needs and all.

Love with all my Heart,
A mom who has been there.