SPD: An on going battle.

It's funny, this time 2 years ago I was a jumbled, confused mess of a mom. Andrew's needs has truly dropped me down to the lowest of low. I was lost in a tangle of IEPs, therapy and a whole bunch of what ifs. I was trying to re-think my entire life and it just about killed me.

A year ago I was learning to adjust and accept. Schedules, more therapy, and not quite as many tears were my day to day existence. Then, slowly, something started to happen as life shifted into a normal day to day pace. There are some days that I don't even THINK of Drew's sensory issues because things just are. There are days that I don't plan his future around his therapy and there is a glaring spot light of hope where once a tiny sliver used to glimmer.

For me, I think two huge things came into play. 1) Drew is older, he has been in therapy for years and as he matures so does his ability to self regulate and adjust. 2) I am better. I am wiser. I am calmer and I have reached a point of acceptance. While I don't have all the answers or it all figured out, I am a seasoned in it all which makes is easier.

Don't get me wrong, there are still days that I lay on my bed at the end of the night completely exhausted, overwhelmed and frustrated with how the day went. I go through all the things I did or didn't do. I still catch myself comparing him to other kids his age.

Perhaps it is because we are near his cousins (6, 4, and 3) it is glaringly obvious there is something different with Drew, but I can't even put my finger on it. But I try to rejoice in his uniqueness and not dwell on the lingering bite marks on his hand or the black eye he gave himself when he was mad.

The biggest challenge in knowing what to say to help calm him down. How to touch him right to help regulate his temper. How to know the difference between letting him experience what makes him upset and avoiding it. When to encourage sharing or trying new things and when to let him be.

I am learning to let go of the fact that often times he would rather sit in the truck with my phone than play with the farm animals, or that he would be happier playing in the dirt with his hot wheel cars then play with what ever we are doing.

As parents, we are learning to let him figure out what he loves and then encourage it. He loves cars, we will talk about cars. He is interested in football, we get him a football and play with him when he asks. Right now he is on a lego kick so we are getting him a lot of lego men. Making him happy makes me happy, even if it isn't something I necessarily enjoy or like. It's Drew. And that is ok.

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As he gets closer to kindergarten this fall, I am acutely aware of the areas that we are still working on. Lately, his temper has gotten insane , only now he uses words. "Ok FINE" through gritted teeth is a daily thing and I have no clue on how to manage these new bursts of anger, nor do I know what is causing them other then a strong will and not getting his way.

But most of the time, he is a kind, sweet little boy that may walk past you if he is focused on something. He loves to talk about police men, hot rods, and tractors. You give him a candy he is your friend. You hug him tightly and you have won his heart over. You tell me that my boy is smart (because he is), well behaved (most of the time) and sweet (all the time) than you have won ME over as well.

Sensory processing disorder completely turned my world upside down 3 years ago, and We are by no means "There" but I am completely content in the "here". And that is how I like to keep it.

This post is apart of a larger group of bloggers linking up with The Sensory Spectrum, so be sure to check out the other posts and see more stories of families coping with sensory processing disorder! 

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